Welcome to what I am guessing will be a recurring series on this website detailing everyday life with Coachella Valley Snow Birds during “The Season” in the Palm Springs area.
Today’s story took place this morning at a local coffee shop in Indian Wells (I won’t name it, but, I mean, c’mon, you get it). I had gone in to grab a black coffee (cream is for suckers and non-psychopaths!) and a gluten-free egg bowl. Now, I am not one that lives a gluten-free lifestyle, but the bowl is really good (it has eggs and rice and cheese and stuff!) and that’s what it’s called and the gluten-free crowd is going to be stoked to hear about it and dammit, they better not run out of them now.
Anyway, I was standing near a wall sipping my brew and waiting for my gluten-free egg bowl to be served up so I could grab it to go, when suddenly a Snow Bird emerged from the other side of the place and approached the register with a paper towel roll in his hands.
In true Snow Bird fashion, the man took no notice of the customer currently ordering a drink or the employee who was clearly busy with the customer’s drink order. No, instead he loudly interrupted with an “EXCUSE ME” at a decibel level that the cooks prepping at the burger joint next door could probably also hear.
He then hoisted a paper towel roll into the air and proclaimed, “YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR ELLLLLEGANT NAPKINS” in such a way that he almost sounded like Pig Vomit doing the W Ehhhhhnnnnn BC in the Private Parts movie. He then tossed the paper towel roll on the counter and stormed out of the place while everyone else rolled their eyes remembering: Oh yeah, it’s Snow Bird Season again.
Now, I’m fine with using a paper towel as a napkin. They’re easier to distribute, work great, and how much better are they than those super cheap Five Guys thin-as-hell napkins some places have? But, not Mr. Snow Bird. Oh no. He demands ellllllegant napkins and only ellllllegant napkins and let’s just hope this particular coffee shop never has them.